Updated: Some Things are Worth Thinking About
November 17, 2008 by C. Rick Koerber
Filed under Family, Friends, Rick Koerber's Recent Posts
Today, my three-yea-old daughter asked me a question that I can’t stop thinking about. So, I want to share with you what Bethany actually told me, and even more importantly, what she asked me. But, I want to put it into context first. Otherwise, I don’t think you’ll quite understand – when I announce my answer.
Doing what I do for a living, there is no shortage of opinion about the way I live my life. On the average day I get a few emails, text messages, Facebook messages, phone calls and even the occasional written letter telling me someone’s opinion about “this or that” aspect of my life.
Recently, an old friend told me that after listening to my radio show he thought to himself, “That’s not the Rick I grew up with.” In a letter I received today a complete stranger wrote to me saying, “I have been listening to you on the radio for more than two years. You don’t know me and we’ve never met, but you’ve changed my life. Your ideas have helped me and my family tremendously. My wife and I got to talking about you and all that you’re up to and just wanted to write and say ‘Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.’ We’re behind you 100%.”
I try not to think very much about any of these kinds of things. If they are insulting or complimentary, I try to appreciate them for what they are and then move on. Once and a while however, someone tells me something or asks me a question, that is just worth thinking about. Today, I was surprised however, that it was my 3-year old daughter.
I don’t mean to give you the wrong idea. But, most people’s opinions about me and my life are so uninformed by the actual facts, that it’s really not worth spending much time contemplating what they have to say. I never imagined things would be this way, but when you put yourself out in public, every single day – via radio, seminars, courses, Internet, etc., there’s just no shortage of opinions – most of which are not worth much. I, of course, usually like the compliments more than the insults. I’ve received some meaningful messages that I’ve saved, and are close to my heart. But, once again – very few are worth thinking about.
So, today when my little girl started talking to me about my work, it was a little bit unusual. Of course, she sees me working almost every day (except Sundays). She even knows a little bit about a few of the things I do. I certainly care more for her opinion than most of the people I usually hear from, but she is only three-years old after all. Actually, I’m sure she’d want me to clarify, that she’s “almost four.” I think she turned almost four in her mind, the day after her third birthday.
There we were, today was a calm Sunday afternoon, spending some quality daddy/daughter time while mom and the two boys took naps. Bethany tolerated as much football as she could stand, and then got out her spelling cards. We worked on three and four letter words and also the names of about thirty colors. I had no idea that a three-year-old could realistically be expected to spell magenta, let alone know what it means. I’m still not sure I know what what it means without a few samples.
Anyway, we were going through three letter words, one letter at a time, and out of the blue she looks up at me and says, “Daddy I love you.”
This was an unexpected surprise. I was touched, as any parent would be. But, I was also a bit taken back. It seemed unrelated to anything we were doing. Then, as I look back in my minds eye, without much of a pause she looked straight up at me again and asked, “Dad, why do you work so much?”
I tried as best as I could to explain to her about my “work” and my schedule. I’m not sure anything I said really sunk in – certainly not as deep as her comment and question had penetrated me. Nevertheless, we finished with our spelling cards, and the evening went on, pretty much like normal. Except, I just couldn’t stop thinking about her question.
Here it is 5:31am and while I am certain I’m going to regret not being in bed, I can’t find the end to my day without witting something that is at the core of my real answer to my daughter’s question.
I titled this entry, “Some things are worth thinking about,” because I highly recommend that if you’ve taken the time to read this far, perhaps you could spend some time coming up with your own best answer to that same question. It has been richly rewarding for me to come up with my answer. Of course, Bethany is asleep right now, and I better not wake her up to tell here I finally have a better answer now, than the one I gave her before dinner.
But, then again, if I take much longer, I could just tell her, first thing when she wakes.
Well, I’ll just write my answer down here, in case that doesn’t happen.
So, “Why,” is it that I “work so much?”
I think I’ve failed as much as I’ve succeeded at most things in life. There are a few exceptions, but work is not one of them. I’ve learned tons and that’s one of the reasons I enjoy working so much. I love what I do. I love standing up for what is right and I like helping people see what they haven’t been able to see on their own.
I’m driven, and have had a unique passion for my work since I was about seven years old. I’m getting better at what I do, and despite all the failures and successes, I believe I have a work to do, here on this earth, that is unique to me and can benefit those I love and this wonderful country I would peacefully give my life defending.
The short answer is this…
I love my wife. I love my children. I have the love and respect of these and several other family members and dear friends. As I picture in my mind, the faces of my wife, of each of my children, of my very close family members and friends, and even the friends and heroes of mine who have already departed this life—I realize unmistakably that I love my life. I thank God for the many blessings that have been mine and the opportunity to do the work I do.
While I have much ground to cover, many mistakes still to correct, people still to build better relationships with, wrongs in my life to right, apologies to make, new relationships to build, new people to meet, several matters to resolve, complete and accomplish and some yet even to begin — I work because it is in my work that I find meaning and hope satisfied for all those who put their confidence in me and a satisfaction of my own hopes and values. I would not be a good husband, father, or even a good citizen if I gave up on the work I do. Alea jacta est.
I have enjoyed thinking about my own answer, and even more to the point, how it is that it took my three-year old daughter to bring me to this point of contemplation. For those of you who don’t yet have any three-year olds and those who have long since passed up these days—you’re missing something, my friends, you really are missing something.
In response to my daughter’s comment that she loved me, I could only say, “thank you sweetheart for sharing that with me.” Though she wouldn’t have understood, I might have added, “that sure makes all the difference.” I feel the same about my boys – but I hope that my bonding, reflective moments with them, over the years ahead will involve fewer tears and more masculine expressions. Whatever that means.
How powerful is a little, perspective adjusting reflection in the early hours of the morning!
Our son would have turned five in August. He slept away peacefully in his daddy’s arms after three hours filled with love in a world his little body wasn’t designed to endure. We had been told about it weeks ago, had chosen to have him and we were prepared to let him go.
I often wonder what I’d done differently in my life if he hadn’t died after three hours. Of course, wondering doesn’t make any difference, but maybe imagination does.
So I’m going to take your post as an encouragement to imagine what else would possibly drive me today in my daily work if he’d still be there to ask me the same question.
Thanks for sharing!
Very good story. I love the insights I gain from responding to my children’s questions too.
I believe there is a reason why the Savior says to ‘Become as a little child’, they think much more about the things around them then we give credit for.
Not only has Bethany’s question caused much reflection for you, and only because you were truly listening I might add, your willingness to share this moment in your life for others to witness extends the influence and blessing.
Rick, yes there may indeed be many with unfavorable opinions of you and what you do, and yes for many the feelings and opinions they come without merit. This post, for those that are really listening, is amends where it may not be necessary and that my friend is a great measure of your character.
Thank Bethany for me, and I thank you Rick. I am better for knowing you, and look forward to a long friendship. Laura says hi, she thinks about you and the family a lot. We both love you and trust all is well. Talk to you soon.
It never ceases to amaze me how often people, and especially I, focus on points of disagreement and concern rather than on building on common beliefs.
There have been times when I have been angry at you Rick, (sometimes even by intent on your part
) but as I do my best to avoid focusing on the point of contention and instead seek to better understand you and what you are seeking to do, I gain a great deal of respect for you and what you do with your life. The points of contention sometimes disappear with a better understanding, but not always. Even when they don’t, the relative importance lessens with a more complete perspective. Thank you for sharing your insights. I am honored to associate with you and am a better person because I know you.
Because life is short, I love my life, and I want to make the very most of it . . . that’s why I work so hard, and I know, when you’re older, you and your children and grandchildren will be very proud of your daddy.
That was my answer once.
sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past .. stop planning the future .. stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel .. stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel and sometimes we just have to go with “whatever..happens..happens”
I really like the post the most!
Take care god bless you!
Thanks Rick for this insight. I know that this post won’t mean much to you, since I don’t know you much, but in my efforts to be an honest and integral man I choose to thank you for sharing your feelings. It is inspiring to me and will help me work harder as I reflect on why I work–why I do it.
Thanks again and God bless you, our freedoms, and our country!