Rick Koerber Indicted? Schmucks, Grand Juries, & the Trials Ahead.

As our modern culture hurls itself imperviously over the rocky cliffs of socialism in the name of rescue and bailout, normal people seem to be losing their ability to think critically and distinguish decency, fairness, civility, and honesty from rumor, rhetoric, political posturing and gossip. Its a cultural battle being waged every day in the business world, and I don’t mean just big business, I mean small business America too. The competition is decency vs. defamation. Do-gooders, versus society’s most valuable doers. In my world, the constant reminder of this battle is the fact that hardly a week goes by without someone asking me if I’m going to be indicted.

A chilling result of the crisis will be furthering the deadly process of criminalizing business failures.  In the old days when an enterprise failed, the proprietors often ended up in debtors’ prison…But in recent years, particularly after the Enron/WorldCom corporate scandals, federal and local prosecutors began actively pursuing evidence of fraud whenever a big business went bust. Yes, there has been corporate wrongdoing, and miscreants have been tried and jailed. But many noncriminal individuals have been pursued.

One notorious case was the IRS’ attempt to prosecute KPMG and a number of its partners and employees for alleged tax fraud. The shelters KPMG sold in the 1990s were not illegal. The IRS still determined, however, that they weren’t valid. That kind of tax dispute would normally be settled in civil court. Instead, prosecutors threatened KPMG with annihilation: Settle on our terms or we will hit you with an enterprise-killing indictment. Arthur Andersen had recently been destroyed by such an indictment, even though the courts subsequently threw the charges out. The feds even pressured KPMG not to pay the legal bills of the targeted individuals–which would have forced these people to settle, as they couldn’t afford the massive legal costs of defending themselves. Thankfully, a courageous federal judge stopped this abuse.

But the itch to indict remains. No sooner had Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and AIG gone bust than criminal investigators swarmed in. They will find evidence of “fraud”–why didn’t you more aggressively mark down the value of suspect paper even if there wasn’t a market for it? Why the expressions of confidence in the soundness of your businesses when the rumors of trouble were surfacing? Lost in all this will be the fact that Lehman and AIG didn’t know they were in mortal peril until almost the very end. There will be indictments. The chilling lesson: Unsuccessful risk taking or failing in business can send you to prison. (Steve Forbes, “How Capitalism Will Save Us” Forbes Magazine, Nov. 10, 2008) Emphasis added.

It’s a dumb question really. It’s not like the government, even with the most corrupt bureaucracies, normally calls up the subject of its investigation on the telephone to say, “Hey, just for your information, we’re planning to indict you.” But, the brain-off among us don’t have to be bothered with thinking—they’re too busy indulging in feeling.

In January of this year a local news reporter came to my house and asked me point blank, “But, is it fair to say you expect to be charged?”

The reporter, Brian Mullahy, and I had been having a conversation about the fact that there have been rumors about me being in trouble with the law, despite no charges, nor formal complaints and no formal allegations of wrong-doing, over the course of the last five years.  In that context, I had complained that the very existence of these persistent rumors—even the ones with no credibility whatsoever—had actually given bureaucrats the ammunition they needed to continue their years long investigation of me and my companies without any reasonable basis.

In answer to an earlier question I explained that I, in fact, had not been indicted or charged either on the state or the federal level and that I did not know what was being planned by prosecutors.This was the context for his question “But, is it fair to say you expect to be indicted?”  I thought about his question and reluctantly answered, “Sure, sure.”

I went on to say in our interview that given the modern business climate in America any businessman in a situation like mine—regardless of his innocence—would be foolish not to prepare as if an indictment were coming.  Of course, all this context was dropped when the evening newscast aired with the headline, “Utah Businessman Facing Federal Charges.”  This, of course, is a lie.  I was not then, nor have I ever in my life, been facing federal charges.

It used to be a criminal offense to slander someone like this, but now we live in a world where it’s considered by many to be journalism—while at the same time businessmen are routinely accused of criminal behavior by vague allegation, outright defamation, and little attention given to facts or statutes and usually without the businessman having done anything that can be demonstrated to be clearly against the law.  This situation, which is the fruit of socialistic ideas in government, has been a growing reality in America for the last full generation and is now a defining legacy.

As a result, it is practically impossible for a lawyer to determine what business conduct will be pronounced lawful or unlawful by the courts. This state of affairs is equally embarrassing to businessmen endeavoring to obey the law and to Government officials attempting to enforce it.” (Robert H. Jackson.  Assistant Attorney General of the United States. Later Supreme Court Justice of the United States. Anti-Trust Legislation Seen Necessary, New Jersey Law Journal, February 3, 1938, 6 N.J.L.J. 37 (1938) c. 1938 ALM Properties, Inc.)

So, our modern itch to indict, as referenced by Steve Forbes, continues to have affect in my life, and the same questions come week after week.  The rumors this past week were stirred up by none other than prominent Salt Lake attorney Rodney G. Snow.  He should know better, but we’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Indictment, indictment, in·dict·ment! Sometimes the questions come from those secretly hoping the rumors are true and that soon I’ll end up behind bars (for just what exactly, they can never quite articulate).  Sometimes the questions come from brain-off, but kind hearted friends who just want to express their sympathy (again, for what, they can’t quite articulate.) It all makes me want to throw up, to tell you the truth.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I just can’t stand the slobbery thickness of brain-off emotionalism. I care nothing for the predicaments of those whose own emotional insecurity has brought them to the point of thinking that I’m somehow a villain in their life story when at the same time they don’t have the courtesy, civility, or kind feelings sufficient to talk to me and either get the facts to clear up their misconceptions or, on the rare occasion that there is actually something amiss between us, give me the chance to take responsibility for whatever wrongs or mistakes may, in fact, be mine.

Even worse, I’ve grown sick of the ever growing popularity of the notion that in the present era of bail-outs, bank failures, unemployment and rampant foreclosures, a consumer being stupid (or at least imprudent) and loosing a lot of money somehow qualifies him or her to randomly assign blame and self-righteously demand guilt from whatever businessman seems to fits the bill at the moment—facts be damned. These people are schmucks, and those who are moved by their groveling selfishness enable the sad state of affairs, so often talked about these days.   They are complicit in our societies unyielding march towards disaster.

Do I have empathy for those whose financial situation is bleak?  Of course.  I’ve dedicated my life reaching out to and teaching these very people.  However, that is part of the problem.  Whenever you dive into deep water, in an effort to save a drowning person, you become at risk yourself.  I can’t otherwise explain how so many people whom I’ve never done business with can be so maliciously engaged in the spreading the negative rumors and gossip—almost wholly started years ago by unprincipled, privately motivated, reckless and vindictive government employees.

I once read a post on the Internet that stated, “I would love to talk to someone about the $140,000 that Rick Koerber has of mine that [he] ‘can’t pay’ me back.  Thanks. Ryan in St. George.”  Evidently I don’t qualify as the kind of  “someone” this person wants to talk with, because I have never been contacted by him.  Not only do I not recognize his name or situation, the sad reality is that I don’t know anyone in St. George, Utah named Ryan who has ever given me anywhere close to that kind of money.   I certainly do not have, nor do any of my companies have, to the best of my knowledge, any unpaid debts in any amount to someone named Ryan in St. George.

Such a small thing like this illustrates a major problem in our world today, particularly with federal grand juries.  I have known, for example, that as early as March 2008 there have been witnesses being called by the US Attorney in Salt Lake City, to testify before a federal grand jury regarding my supposed business dealings.  But in a federal grand jury proceeding I don’t have the right to confront any witnesses.  The rules of evidence are not the same, and there is no cross examination or rebuttal.  So, this guy named Ryan could be called before the grand jury, asked to testify about his $140,000, and this could be used as undisputed grounds to issue an indictment. The problem is compounded by grand jury secrecy.

The fifth amendment to the US Constitution is the legal cornerstone for federal grand juries, and the original purpose of a grand jury, including the secrecy of its proceedings, was originally to protect citizens from government abuses.  During the era of the Founders (most would be surprised to learn) there were no government attorneys.   But, today the US Attorney oversees cases before the grand jury and he (or a member of his staff) is essentially given de facto control over access to the grand jury by the public, and the secret proceedings they carry out.   Once a fair minded person begins to think through the implications of this modern court setting, serious issues regarding justice and fairness begin to emerge.

What is true about the danger of “enterprise-killing” charges today, was also true in the days following America’s revolution.  The Founders sought to protect citizens from overzealous government by ensuring federal felony charges could not be brought whimsically or too easily, thus the requirement of a grand jury.  Secrecy, during grand jury proceedings was a long standing English tradition dating back to the Magna Charta.  A critical defense of free society rests upon the notion that the very allegation of wrongdoing, made by the government, can be punitive in-and-of itself, and the process must therefore be strictly guarded.

So, the grand jury is generally supposed to be private/secret.  The idea is that before charging a free citizen with a crime, a person who is presumed innocent until proven guilty, give a jury of his or her peers the opportunity to consider the case first, without exposing his reputation to ruin by the process.   Of course, there are other reasons for secrecy but the rights of individual citizens are at the foundation of the issue.

The problem today is that, with permanent government prosecutors essentially in charge of the grand jury proceedings, what was once a protection for citizens now, too often, is only an advantage to the prosecutor.  Today, there is very little check against malicious prosecution or prosecutorial misconduct when all the proceedings are conducted in secret.  Take for example the political motivation to tip the party balance in the United States Senate which utilized prosecutorial corruption in the recent case of former Alaska Senator Ted Steven’s whose case was just thrown out—after he suffered great harm to his reputation and after he lost his Senate seat, all because of the situation I’m describing.  It is therefore, not surprising, that according to experts in the field, in 95% of the cases, prosecutors simply get an indictment, whenever one is wanted.

This means that a businessman has no way of knowing in advance whether the action he takes is legal or illegal, whether he is guilty or innocent.  It means that a businessman has to live under the threat of a sudden, unpredictable disaster, taking the risk of losing everything he owns or being sentenced to jail, with his career, his reputation, his property, his fortune, the achievement of his whole lifetime left at the mercy of any ambitious young bureaucrat who, for any reason, public or private, may choose to start proceedings against him…It is a form of persecution practiced only in dictatorships and forbidden in every civilized code of law.  It is specifically forbidden by the United States Constitution.  It is not supposed to exist in the United States and it is not applied to anyone-except to businessmen. (Ayn Rand. Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal, pg. 50 – from a speech given at the Ford Hall Forum, Boston, on Dec. 17, 1961)

In my case, after a failed attempt by rogue state regulators that felt just as Ms. Rand describes, I’ve now learned more about what the federal government is up to, and what is happening before the grand jury, through rumor and gossip—than is supposed to be publicly available at all.

What good does it do to say to me, “We’re protecting your reputation Rick, by ensuring everything is done in secrecy,” when attorneys, government employees, and even members of the prosecutor’s staff are reportedly giving information about secret grand jury proceedings to their colleagues like Mr. Snow, who seem driven to spread the word around.

Lest you think its just any old attorney involved in such behavior, Mr. Snow’s resume shows just how connected he is, having worked as an Assistant US Attorney for this very same office earlier in his career.  Mr. Snow, by his privileged position, evidently not only receives special illegal exemption from the legal requirements of secrecy, but he gets to use them to further his law practice at my expense.

There is a strange, almost unnoticed drum beating in our popular culture, where economic hard times (which are the persistent handmaiden of socialism and its relatives) bring average Americans to believe that society’s producers are now somehow the villains.  Even worse, our bureaucrats, government employees, and government officials are supposed to become our heroes.  In the Founder’s generation we elected heroes to office, to keep abusive government in check.  Today we try to make heroes out of those who like to cast aspersions without consequence, spend money without accountability and who send out bureaucrats and government agents with guns, threats, and the delegated force of the people—to satisfy our itch to indict and to punish society’s white collar villains—who, in rapidly growing percentages, are increasingly men and women whose crimes can’t be described or articulated and whose actual performances and intentions are almost entirely irrelevant.  Lost is the idea that businessmen, entrepreneurs, and even corporate executives (regardless of their supposed crime) are still citizens, in a free country, presumed innocent until proven guilty—also born like the rest of us, with unalienable individual rights.

Only businessmen – the producers, the providers, the supporters, the Atlases who carry our whole economy on their shoulders-are regarded as guilty by nature and are required to prove their innocence without any definable criteria of innocence or proof, and are left at the mercy of the whim, the favor, or the malice of any publicity-seeking politician, any scheming statist, any envious mediocrity who might chance to work his way into a bureaucratic job and who feels a yen to do some [governing]. (Ayn Rand. Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal, pg. 44 – from a speech given at the Ford Hall Forum, Boston, on Dec. 17, 1961)

While we’re not yet France, we are not far behind.  Did anyone notice the report yesterday from Reuters about the poll in Paris, where almost half of all citizens now think its okay for laid off employees to actually “lock up” or “take hostage” corporate executives—without any due process of law—as part of labor bargaining?

Or, did you notice that just this week, the day after North Korea successfully test launched a long range ballistic missile that means they can not only threaten our Asian allies but Hawaii and Alaska as well, our government announced its intention to actually reduce our missile defense budget, including the money allotted for existing self-defense based weapons systems stationed in Alaska. This brings to mind former US President Ronald Reagan’s warnings in the 1960’s against appeasement and unilateral surrender to the Soviets.  But, I don’t want to get too distracted.  How about his statement regarding creeping socialism and the risk to the American businessman?

It is time we realized that socialism can come without overt seizure of property or nationalization of private business. [My note:  Today, the federal executive speaks openly about seizure and nationalization of banks and financial institutions]

It matters little that you hold the title to your property or business if government can dictate policy and procedure and holds life and death power over your business. [My note:  The President of the United States just fired the chief executive of GM]

The machinery of this power already exists. Lowell Mason, former anti-trust law enforcer for the Federal Trade Commission, has written “American business is being harassed, bled and even blackjacked under a preposterous crazy quilt system of laws.” There are so many that the government literally can find some charge to bring against any concern it chooses to prosecute. (Ronald Reagan. A Time for Choosing, Speech given October 27, 1964)

This is a reality far too few American’s have sobered up to realize.  Which, brings me back to where I started.  Have I been indicted? No.  Will I be indicted?  I don’t know.  Am I preparing for it?  As best I can. Regardless of what happens, I’m sure its only more likely that I’ll eventually be indicted as I continue to criticize the government, government employees, the lazy government PR media, and now complicit lawyers.

The point, however, is that it’s not really me who will be put on trial in such a case.  It’s America, and its citizenry who are already on trial, today.

As for me, I’d actually be kind of a glad—in an odd sort of way—if I am ever indicted, because at least then I’ll be extended the courtesy and privilege of defending myself against actual charges, rather than vague insinuations and secret rumors.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not anxious to plunge headlong into a legal battle where most of the deck is already stacked against me, but I will not run from it either.  Though I’m certain it would be an extremely difficult road if that day does come—following the example of others who have tried to negotiate with unprincipled, power corrupt bureaucrats and over zealous prosecutors whose pre-condition for negotiation is an admission of guilt, is not something I will choose to accept.

I’m optimistic that this kind of conflict can still be avoided in my case, and I take steps regularly to try and ensure that is the case.  But, if it cannot be avoided, while its impossible for me to see the details in advance, or the outcome of such a fight—I refuse to fear it.  Why?  Well among other things, in most cases, there are still twelve free citizens at the final end of any verdict.

The world of [regulation] is reminiscent of Alice’s Wonderland: everything seemingly is, yet apparently isn’t, simultaneously…It is a world in which the law is so vague that businessmen have no way of knowing whether specific actions will be declared illegal until they hear the judge’s verdict – after the fact.  (Alan Greenspan.  Later Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Paper given at the Antitrust Seminar of the National Association of Business Economists, Cleveland, September 25, 1961.)

While those with an eye to see, do indeed know the final end to this story (to paraphrase Dr. Skousen), none of us knows the details regarding our own personal challenges on the path to our ultimate rendezvous with destiny (to paraphrase another great hero of mine).  The only option is to choose; to make a choice when the options are clear, and the chaos and tension that accompanies conflict has not yet become overbearingly personal.

I made my choice early on, when I first encountered these people.  I made my choice before the huge successes and before the tragic business failures that have defined the last several years.  I’m not proud or happy about the business or financial failures that have so closely affected my life, and the lives of so many of my friends and loved ones.  Nor can I rest from my own labor to compensate for the ones for where I bare primary responsibility.  But failure, financially—short or long term, has never been the enemy of free citizens in America, or throughout history.   Failure, morally—to stand up for right, for freedom, and for truth—this is a failure that I consider the most serious enemy of all.  As economic freedom is threatened broadly, across all parts of the world’s citizenry, each of us are increasingly exposed the fact that we have an inescapable choice to make, individually.

How about you?  How will you react when you have your day in court (literally or figuratively)?  Do you think that somehow you can escape the consequences of the rocky cliffs ahead?  Will you just coast along the tidal wave of life that carries you about from day-to-day while you complain as you go that your life isn’t what you want? Or, will you stand up?  Will you say to freedom’s common enemy, “There is a certain point beyond which you cannot pass!”

I’m sure the slobbery thickness of brain-off emotionalism will continue to bring more people to my door in the future asking about some supposed, pretended, or actual indictment–or maybe even worse.  But, in the mean time, me and those who stand with me (including the consistently growing numbers of those who will be standing with me tomorrow and the next day, and the days after that), we will keep producing, educating, and organizing.  And, when we can squeeze it in (and I’m pretty sure it’s something we’ll not soon forget), we’ll also do what we can to make sure the complicit schmuck’s (including those in the media, the legal profession, and in key government positions) who keep overstepping their bounds, to the detriment of innocent and free citizens, are also made to face the legal consequences of their own wrongdoing.  I doubt that they’re any more anxious to face a just tribunal than have been any of history’s well known tyrants and their dimwitted, brain off accomplices.

Hero’s Life

I originally published this essay several years ago and also included it in early editions of the FreeCapitalist Primer.  As I’ve had repeated requests recently I’ve decided to republish the essay here.  There is also a .pdf download version.

The Hero’s Life – The Power of Taking Deliberate Action
by C. Rick Koerber

Many of us admire heroes from a distance, yet we often fail to make the choice to live the hero’s life ourselves. There is no modesty in failing to take on the personal mantle of being a hero in your world. The challenge for most of us is that we simply fail to grasp the simple concept that choosing to be a hero is ours to make and is the only way to effectively change the world.  The individual who grasps this concept can live the life of a hero, starting today!

I’m convinced that each human being, even the very simplest, wants to live a life that matters. I would argue that herein lays the truth regarding all human beings’ craving for the feeling of importance.  Individual heroes are our mind’s projection of our own personal desire for living a life we love. It is for this reason that citizens everywhere might make exceptional progress in their own affairs by cultivating a respect for heroes of all kinds.

Most of us fail to realize that we can cultivate the life of a hero through our own daily choices, waiting instead for someone else to rescue us when facing life’s most difficult challenges.  Yet, through our own observation and study of those who have gone before us in time or accomplishment, we are actually able to get in touch with a personal and valuable portion of our own consciousness.  Or to say it more simply, by choosing heroes for ourselves, men and women we deliberately choose to admire and whose lives and accomplishments we purposefully reflect upon, we find ourselves able to recognize the power of a hero inside our own lives.

The realization in the mind of a man or woman that he or she can actually transcend the normal victimhood of life and become a hero-increasingly able to make a difference in the lives of loved ones, and in the community around them -is a realization that gives the mind and heart a source of courage, a reservoir of faith and hope, and an example of how to face the challenges of life.

“Ye Are Gods”
The Lord says he created man to act for himself rather than to be acted upon. To me, this means the difference between living life as a hero and living life as a victim. More poignantly, it is the difference between living life as a god and living life as a devil. When the Savior was accused of blasphemy for proclaiming himself the Son of God, he responded:

Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods? If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken; Say ye of him, whom the Father hath sanctified, and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I said, I am the Son of God? If I do not the works of my Father, believe me not.

All of us are the children of God, yet the devil would like us to be miserable, to forget our royal heritage, and to live life as a thing acted upon rather than as one with courage and deliberateness, who makes the world a better place.

Do we do the works of God? Do we choose liberty and life?

Five Minutes That Changed My Life Forever

There is a clear difference between acting for ourselves, and being acted upon. The difference begins with perception.

A few years ago, I was in a business meeting with three of my top executives. We were having an unplanned meeting to deal with some of the pressing business issues of the day. During the conversation, it dawned on me that none of us had spent any time deliberately preparing for our discussion.

I noticed that we were being acted upon by the pressure of expectations outside ourselves, a pattern, in hindsight, appears to be something to which we had become habitually addicted. This is how a person assents to perpetual victimhood.

As I pondered our situation, an idea flashed into my mind.  I said to each of my associates there in that meeting, “I’d like to take exactly five minutes to focus in complete silence on this one very specific issue.”
I asked each executive to write down any ideas that came to mind while we pondered that one simple matter-very deliberately, together and in silence. The challenge I issued to them was to think of a solution, or more than one if possible, to this very specific problem our company was facing. I asked them, “If this challenge was left entirely up to you, what would you do?”

I asked them to consider all possibilities, no matter how bold. Once I confirmed that each understood, I looked at the clock and said, “Okay, five minutes; please don’t make a sound.”

The seconds began ticking by. I’m not sure much happened in the first minute or two, other than three grown men looking occasionally at each other-acknowledging the oddity of the moment. After about two or three minutes, one of the men began to jot down an idea. A few seconds later another started to write. By the time there was only thirty seconds left, we were all writing quickly. At the end of five minutes, we all had a bright look on our faces. The feeling in the room was much different than the pressure felt just five minutes earlier.

I next requested that each of us share the ideas we had written down. One at a time we began to do so. By the time each of us had finished sharing our ideas, the power of deliberateness was evident. The amazing reality was that in just five minutes of deliberate acting (in this case our action was simply to think) we made more progress than we had done in many months of discussion previously, on that very same issue.
That simple five-minute experiment has changed my life forever.

Walking Down the Middle of a Busy Street
On another occasion I learned more about the power of acting for myself, of being deliberate and choosing the hero’s life.  I remember making the decision to take a walk down the double yellow line in the center of a busy downtown street in front of my office building.

Now, before you rush to conclusions, this wasn’t something silly, nor was it a decision I took lightly, odd though it may seem. I had been given the difficult church assignment to work with two single women in our local church congregation. They were both single mothers who didn’t regularly attend meetings, lived in very poor conditions, and didn’t seem to like the idea of receiving assistance from anyone in the church.
For months, I struggled with my assignment. It was difficult to even obtain their phone numbers. I prayed about my assignment and made token efforts semi-regularly to reach out to them. Whenever I reached out, my efforts seemed easily and quickly dismissed. It had been nearly six months since I was first given the assignment when I realized, very clearly, that I was failing to make any difference in the lives of these two women whatsoever.

I felt bad about the situation, but I didn’t have any idea of what to do. I attempted to justify myself by remembering each of the times I had tried to reach out but had been rebuffed; however, nothing seemed to quench the gnawing within me-that seemed to be saying, “You’re failing.”

I was being acted upon, by my own fears and doubts, and I didn’t realize then that there was an external force inviting me to get out of my own victim story and write a new chapter-the hero’s story.
Long ago I heard it suggested that the universe has a way of giving us exactly the trial required for us to grow and improve.  One day as I sat in my office, a very strange thing happened.  I didn’t know it at the time, but it was one of those moments in life, an invitation-to face a very real and future altering test.
Unannounced and out of the blue, in the middle of a weekday, as I sat in my office focused on the computer in front of me, both women came into my office at the same time asking to see me.

My secretary came in to interrupt my schedule and asked, assuming I would say no, if I would see these two young women. I was a bit surprised to see them, to say the least. I agreed to see them without hesitation.  As they sat across from my desk, the idea struck me-how odd it was to have both of them, two very specific souls who I had been so concerned over but had felt so helpless to affect-now sitting together, directly in front of me.

They proceeded to explain that due to some unforeseen circumstances they were both facing a situation where they would soon be homeless. As a matter of fact, one of them was required to be out of her house that very day. They had successfully secured a new apartment, planning to move in together, but the new place was a mess, needed cleaning, and required some minor repairs. In addition, they had no help for the move.

They had no pickups, no friends to assist, and no plans for making the move happen; yet they had planned the move for that very day.  Now, here they were, sitting in my office asking for my help.
At first I was more than happy to agree.  I had been pondering for months over how I might reach out to them and here was my opportunity.  I agreed to help but explained that since it was the middle of the workday it would be several hours before I could arrive.

As I thought about my commitment, I envisioned myself showing up at about 5:30pm, helping load boxes etc., but really nothing more.  They both quietly expressed understanding that I was busy and that I would take the time to come by and help them later that evening. They smiled briefly and then politely left my office.

After they were gone, I sat pondering the situation. “Certainly,” I thought to myself, “I want to help them, but I have a huge workload today.” I even remember thinking it was silly to expect to move so quickly, and to schedule a move with so little planning.  Of course, they explained, it wasn’t their fault; it was unanticipated, etc., but I had heard such excuses many times before.

As I sat there in my office, justifying to myself that there was nothing else I could do, a feeling deep inside again started to gnaw at my core. The feeling was direct and poignant, and I could not deny it. I knew for certain that all my rationalizations meant nothing. I knew I had been praying for months for a way to reach out to each of these women, and for months the only thing preventing me from making the world a better place for them and myself was my own lame pattern of excuses.

I acknowledged to myself that I was not acting like a hero, and I knew it. I also knew that I was of no matter in this situation to these women or to the Lord; I had not chosen to be a significant source for good in the situation. The more powerfully I went over this acknowledgment in my mind, the more powerfully I felt inspired to do something about it.

I suppose it had been fifteen minutes since I had escorted the women from my office. I sat by myself in silence, tortured by the idea that I had failed, that there was no excuse for the poor choice I had made, and that the bigger problem I was up against was my own self-deception about my own intentions.
Not comfortable at all with the conclusions I was coming to, I began thinking about what else I could do.  I started to ask very specific questions, in my own mind, about the possibilities-rather than focusing on rationalizations for my limitations.

I pondered and then got on my knees and prayed. I knew I must do something. The idea then came to my mind that I must act very deliberately. I felt certain my failure to deliberately chart a course forward was the same as deliberately charting a course to nowhere; so, I started looking for ways to act deliberately in a manner to appropriately rectify this situation.

I committed to myself to do something right then, without delay. I had no way to reach either woman. This was a time before cell phones were common. They had errands to run and were planning to meet me back at the home where the move was to take place at 5:30 p.m. that evening.  It was only noon and I knew there was no way that I could wait five hours to do something. Or better stated, I knew I could make a difference and that I would not wait another minute to do it.

As I sat pondering, a very strange idea came to my mind. It was as if a voice said to me, “Okay, if you want to act deliberately, go walk down the middle of the street.” I’m not kidding. That is the idea that came into my mind.

At first, I chuckled. I wondered if the source hadn’t been my own frustration and as an expression of that frustration I was now telling myself to go play jacks in the middle of the highway or something similar. However, I recognized the source of the idea and knew that I could not deny it. I knew that I was prepared to act and was going to act, so I got up from my office chair immediately and headed out the door.

On my way out of the office, my secretary, surprised to see me heading out of the office so quickly and without warning, asked me where I was going. Not worried how strange it would sound, I simply replied, “I’m going to go walk down the middle of the road.”

This I’m sure sounded curiously alarming. He got up and started following me out of the building. As I made my way quickly down the stairs and outside to the sidewalk, he again asked what I was doing. I looked out at the double yellow line in the center of road. I remember thinking to myself that this was a bit crazy and wondering what I hoped to accomplish. I turned to my secretary and explained that I was going to help the two women that I had mistakenly dismissed earlier. I told him the only way I could change what I did was to take deliberate action. I’m not sure how convincing I sounded, but I took off for the center of the road.
When I reached the double yellow line, I decided to start walking west.

My secretary walked with me (staying on the sidewalk paralleling my course). I stopped responding to his questions and just kept walking, paying close attention and keeping my feet, one step after the other, on the double yellow line.

I soon approached a busy intersection controlled by a traffic light. I paused, wondering to myself how much danger I was really willing to put myself in, in order to keep walking the line. As I stood there, wondering how this action was going to make a difference, a car came turning the corner and almost ran me over. Of course, I couldn’t complain since I was the one standing in the middle of the road.
The car swerved to avoid hitting me, and pulled over to the side of the road. To my great astonishment, inside the car were the two women I was looking for. The woman in the passenger side rolled down her window and with a somewhat astonished look on her face asked what I was doing walking down the middle of the road.

I responded with a sigh of relief by telling them that I had been inspired to do so, that it was the only way I was going to be able to reach them, that I had made a mistake earlier, and I wanted to take charge of getting them moved starting that very minute.

The entire story is too long to tell, but suffice it to say, the mood between the three of us changed dramatically. We all recognized that something was much different than only a short time before.

I went to work. I called over 25 men in the middle of the day without any warning. I simply requested in a rather pursuasive way that they all meet me with boxes, trucks, hand-trucks, dollies, etc.

I was only successful at reaching a small handful; for the rest, on each of their answering machines, I left a very deliberate and determined message. I had no idea how many would show up. For some reason, I had no doubt that I could orchestrate and accomplish the task.  But, I had no idea what I was about to witness.

I arrived at the house to help with the move (ironically, my soon-to-be wife was with me that day, but that is another story). At first, we were the only ones there; not even the two women who needed the help were present to witness the miracle that was about to take place. After a short time, men and women began to arrive from all directions.

Almost everyone that I had called came to help, and many brought friends who had received word of the project. In what seemed like less than thirty minutes, we had so much help I couldn’t count everyone. We had trucks, boxes, and lots of hands. Literally, in just a few hours, we had the entire home packed and moved, including having cleaned and made the needed repairs to the new apartment.

I had spent almost the entire time simply directing traffic, so to speak. I had never before witnessed such an effective and heartfelt response to any similar situation. The people who showed up to help had a unique spirit about them, and the work was accomplished almost as a by-product.

When the two women finally arrived to help get the move started, they were astonished to discover all the work had already been completed. They were moved, and everything was already accomplished. I remember a brief moment while standing in the middle of the living room in the center of human traffic watching all the work being done throughout the house, being coordinated by my basic directions. At that moment, the feelings I experienced were the feelings of a hero. Not a hero in the sense of being recognized by anyone else as such, but a hero in my own mind. I knew that I had finally stepped up to the plate and had accomplished something worthwhile.

Heroes: The Power of Being Deliberate
There is a power that comes with deliberateness. In both of my stories, which were actual occurrences in my life, there were clear, small but significant moments when I learned something amazingly powerful. I learned something of the difference between acting and being acted upon.

I felt the difference between being a victim of circumstance and a hero who had chosen to act deliberately. In those minutes, a brief glance through the mundane in life, I knew that I had chosen to be an agent, a hero, and even in a very meaningful but humble way, a god-who had in those instances acted deliberately to create a better world.

Much of life is about finding importance and making a difference. The answer to our search is unique for each of us, as unique as the individual situations and challenges we face each day. I have learned through my own experience something of the sacred and amazing possibilities that lay at the core of why each of us is here on the earth. Through many small moments like the two experiences, I have come to know that what I have accomplished as a result of being very deliberate in my efforts has enabled me to tap into the power of a hero, which is literally the power to change the world.

I am convinced that within the immediate grasp of anyone reading this essay is the possible choice of living the hero’s life, the choice of being a god-or perhaps more comfortably, the child of God. But it is a choice.
The individual who grasps this concept can begin living a new life, today!